April 12th - 😭

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We were going to go to Social Security today, but I got a message from Jimi that says Woodgie is in kidney failure and is dying. I'm so broken up - and he says it's my fault, because I didn't do anything sooner. We went back and forth, and he says I shouldn't second-guess Elysha because she's brilliant and knows what she's doing. I'm done. I don't know anything and it's all my fault.  I can't do anything either, because everything I've done is wrong. Poor Woodgie looks at me like why are you crying, Grandma? 

It's like when I got the phone call from Ed in the middle of the night, saying Jenni was missing, they were upset, and, of course, it was my fault. 

Steven is no help. He's saying that we should expect it, because Woodgie is older than most cats. That doesn't make it any easier.

Woodgie seems to be comfortable, so I don't know what else I can do. You can't force feed a cat. I'm trying to encourage her the best I can, but I'm taking a break right now.

I've asked for thoughts and prayers (the latter probably goes unsaid). 

I'm afraid to leave her by herself anymore. I'm not going to get much done that I should.  Talked to Jenni in messages. She's as upset as I am. Elysha thinks she knows more than Jenni, but she doesn't understand feelings, except hers.

I'm hurt and Jimi says "I'm not talking about the past this is for moving on in the future. But you read it as you want. I'm trying to help and you think I'm yelling at you then I'm done trying. I'm not playing into this pity party." How am I supposed to read it? It sounded like he was "yelling" at me. And what is a "pity party"?

Woodgie doesn't know what's going on. She's just trying to sleep and I put food in front of her every time she wakes up. I feel so sorry for her.

Got another shock - Trina Robbins died today - she was 85.  A lovely comic artist/writer. Met her in 1998 at the Comic Con in San Diego. I was tired and she let me sit at her booth and we talked. Can't remember about what or if it was very long, but I'll always remember her kindly.

I'm still weepy, but I think Woodgie will tell me when it's time to go. She still eats, sleeps and goes to the bathroom. I encourage her to eat a lot.